True Blood Season 4 Episode 6 Recap “I Wish I Was The Moon”

The more people change, the more they stay the same, especially in this week’s episode of True Blood. After last week’s identity-fueled outing, this week people just weren’t themselves. In Sam’s case that was quite literal, as his identity was stolen by Tommy, now able to shape-shift into people. (Is it only family members? I thought it was only dead family members initially but I guess not? Could this be cleared up sometime soon?)

Everybody’s changing yet the show itself seems to be willfully staying the same. Already the plethora of characters, all with their own storylines to service, means that sometimes an individual storyline will move forward only an inch every episode. “So much happened in this episode!” I thought to myself. Looking past the packed nature of the narrative to each individual tale, however, I was forced to admit that on the micro level not much happened at all. Arlene and Terry’s house burned down, which we already were lead to suspect last episode. Lafayette and Jesus are still out in the deserts of Mexico chilling with the smoke monster from Lost. Eric spent all episode in captivity and Jason spent all episode waiting for a change that was never going to come. I spent all episode waiting for something truly significant to happen and like Jason, I was fairly let down.

The theme of the season so far has been change. The audience popped into the story a whole year after the events of last season and we had a lot of change to get used to. Bill is now king, Jason is now respectable, Tara is now a cage-fighting lesbian that lives in New Orleans named Tony. Clearly, some of these changes were a little more ridiculous than others. The show itself, however, has refused to change it’s narrative structure of throwing fifty tiny plotlines at the audience for half a season without combining them in any meaningful way.

There were small steps in the right direction towards narrative unity. Some of the characters are beginning to cross paths, although most are still far too separated into their own craziness. It was nice to see Sookie bump into Alcide and Debbie in the woods and get some much-needed background on the nature of were-(insert-your-favorite-animal-here). Personally, I’m looking forward to were-puppies and were-pygmy giraffes. Apparently the were gene is passed on in families, therefore being bitten has no effect on humans. Besides really hurting.

The Eye-Makeup is the Window to the Soul

Alcide and Debbie were on their way to meet up with their new pack. While the pack leader spoke sensibly, he looked vaguely like a drug dealing extra from Breaking Bad. Debbie is also once more sporting dark eye-makeup with no sensible sweater-sets in sight, so clearly this pack will turn out to be bad news. Sookie was looking for Jason, who was convinced he was turning into a were-panther after the events of Hotshot which I have successfully repressed. “What’s Hotshot?” I asked the TV.

Jason Finds His Happy Place

Jason might be the comedy MVP of the episode, first handcuffing himself to the bed in his underwear in a not-sex way to keep himself from hurting anyone when he changes. “When you change, won’t the cuffs just slip off?” Sookie asks. Of course Jason didn’t think about that, just the way the audience is not supposed to wonder why he would need to be in his underwear to await this change. God bless True Blood and how well they know their audience. Shirtless Jason Stackhouse greatly improves even the slowest moving episode. Outside, having beers with Sookie he reveals his special abilities: sex and shooting. Then he takes off into the woods, where Jessica finds him because her blood in his system allows her to sense his distress. She tells him to find his happy place, which is apparently her rack, and they display some sweet sexual tension that will undoubtedly make things awkward with Hoyt in the future.

Supernatural Identity Theft

In the meantime it’s a good thing it’s Tommy in a Sam-suit walking around Merlot’s, because Sam might be angry that he has no waitresses or staff of any kind. Seriously, who works there at this point? No, think about it. Holly, Arlene, and Terry were dealing with fire fall-out. Lafayette is out in the desert catching snakes. Tara doesn’t work there anymore. Sookie was just fired by Tommy-Sam and Jessica took off to lie in a field with Jason like a reverse Edward and Bella from Twilight. Who works there anymore?

Tommy spends about five seconds as Sam before systemically ruining his life. After firing Sookie (probably justified though) he wastes no time before sleeping with Sam’s new girlfriend Luna and then kicking her out moments afterward. Sam will have a hard time explaining that one. But with a returned-to-form Tommy laying in a puddle of his own sick it might be hard for him to explain the joyride he took through Sam’s life.

Everybody’s Getting Possessed and Learning Spanish

In the ‘that’s right, this season is about witches!’ section of this episode, Marnie finally goes from mousey wiccan to possessed super-witch. And about time too. Never has a storyline been more telegraphed and yet taken so long to happen. Taken over by the spirit of Spanish necromancer and vampire-hating extraordinaire Antonia, Marnie is going to be raising hell soon.

Jesus and Lafayette’s amazing desert adventures include capturing and getting bitten by snakes. As Jesus lies dying in Lafayette’s arms, he is inhabited by the spirit of Tio Luca, who pops into him via black smoke like ol’ smokey from Lost. This allows him to heal Jesus and looked freaked out. That grandfather of the year award is surely in the mail.

Throw Out The Doll

In the horror-movie section of this episode, Arlene and Terry’s home goes boom right after they thought all was well. Not to worry, the kids and armadillo made it out of the house just fine. The first one out? Baby Mikey and his creepy doll, gurgling happily like a tiny future serial killer and seeing disappearing ghost women. How long is it going to take them to finally throw out that doll?

True Blood True Love

Back with the vampires, Pam’s face is still falling apart. When released by Bill she goes straight to harass Tara and her new girlfriend, who were previously having a lovely time getting to know each other all over again while touring Bon Temp.

Bill has taken Eric into captivity because while he’s under the influence of a necromancer’s spell he could be dangerous. Sookie is pissed but Bill dismisses her and tells his guards to keep her off the property. It looks like Pam’s fear that Bill was looking for a way to off Eric was justified when he asks and receives a death warrant for our favorite blonde Viking from a willing Nan Flanagan. But at the last minute he changes his mind because hurting memory-wiped Eric is like kicking a tiny adorable puppy and not even Bill can do that. So he lets Eric go after he says some adorable stuff about loving Sookie and wanting her to be happy. Sookie certainly seems pretty happy as she and Eric tenderly get it on in the woods at episode’s end.

True Blood Season 4 Episode 4 Recap “I’m Alive And On Fire”

Things are getting more complicated and icky for the residents of Bon Temps this week. The witchy Marnie continues to get taken over at the most importune moments, this time managing to piss off professional badass and bondage-wear enthusiast Pam in the process. So that’s two vampires the coven has crossed, drawing a huge fang-target on their backs. Meanwhile sex on this show continues down new and disturbing paths with Jason’s gang rape and Bill’s centuries-removed incest. The show has really upped the ante on cringe-inducing moments and the more time spent with the folks at Hotshot, the more I feel the need to look up a forgetting-spell of my own.

Thankfully there was enough shirtlessness to even out the disturbing bits. Half the male cast spent some portion of the episode disrobed this week. Whether turning into wolves, taking a dip in a lake, or dirty and tied to a bed, the one constant was nudity. There was even a shirtless standoff between Eric and Alcide over Sookie. It was like one half of the episode was the HBO equivalent of a Harlequin romance novel cover and the other half was that episode of The X-Files with all the inbreeding.

And Baby Makes…evil?
The perfect storm of creepy baby and creepier baby doll unsurprisingly lead to more horror-movie moments this episode. Terry walks around the house with baby Mikey pointing out his brother, sister and mom Arlene before sweetly telling him that he’s Mikey’s father. He puts Mikey down for a second to go get some laundry, but makes the mistake of putting him down right next to his creepy doll and some markers. This is an evil baby rookie mistake. When he comes back, baby Mikey has written in marker “Baby Not Yours” on the wall. On the minus side: evil baby. But on the plus side: baby genius! Get that kid on the Today Show! I still fail to understand why they didn’t immediately throw out that dirty doll the second Hoyt and Jessica turned their backs. Even with all the vampires, witches, and Hotshot nastiness going on this episode, the evil doll/baby combo remains the scariest storyline.

Luna’s Secret…
….is that she has a daughter named Emma, who immediately takes to Sam. Of course, it’s not all good news. It turns out her ex is jealous but also, and more dangerously, a werewolf. Which, of course he is. Her name is Luna, which means moon, and this show has never been particularly subtle.

Tommy Boy
Tommy meanwhile takes off to go see his mom after she calls. They reconnect when she tells him she left Joe-Lee and she almost appears motherly as she talks about how proud she is that he can read now. That is, until Joe-Lee pops back up with a chain wrapped around Tommy’s neck. Looks like Tommy’s lost his freedom and will be going back to his dog-fighting days. Unless Lioness Maxine manages to track him down. Never underestimate Maxine’s need for someone to help arrange her doll collection.

Family History with Bill!
Bill has a super bad day all around. First he gets an ear-full from Nan Flannagan, furious that he would put the vampire agenda in danger by sending Eric after witches. While Bill protests that necromancers are dangerous to vampires, but Nan dismisses his concerns. Seems there hasn’t been a powerful necromancer since the Spanish massacre and Nan doesn’t want any humans hurt in the process. She makes him promise that there will be no dead humans and then mocks him.

“Poor Bill, power is so hard.”
You know what else is hard? Finding out your new girlfriend is actually also your great-great-great-great granddaughter. Incest: it never stops being gross even after hundreds of years separation! Bill of course finds out about his familial connection with Portia after meeting her grandmother Caroline. Caroline is an old, awesome southern lady who loves gin and finds talk of flashers and Andy’s love of Red Bull distasteful. She is a woman after my own heart. She and Bill talk about the Bellefleur family tree and both get all weird and twitchy when they come to the name Elizabeth Harris. As Bill and Caroline disperse with the quickness of southern repression, Portia demands to know why Bill says he can’t see her anymore. Elizabeth Harris, it turns out, is Bill’s granddaughter, making Portia directly related to him. I’m sure they’re both glad they had sex already before comparing family trees.

To end his no good, very bad day, Bill stops off at Sookie’s house to search for Eric but has no better luck. Sookie refuses to let him in, standing staunchly in her doorway blocking him. When he tries to go around her Sookie lays on the guilt, saying that she’s not the liar in their relationship. Bill walks away empty handed, having the second worst day of anyone in the episode.

Ok, Fine. Disgusting Stuff Continued to Happen in Hotshot
The worst day of the episode prize goes, of course, to Jason Stackhouse. Poor Jason is still tied up to that dirty bed in Hotshot, wounds smeared with dirt, being used as breeding stock by all the women. When poor little Becky shows up to rape him, he talks her out of losing her virginity in the most disgusting way possible. After I finish with this section of the recap, I hope to repress this whole storyline or give myself a True Blood-specific lobotomy. Why anyone thought this storyline was a good idea is beyond my powers of comprehension. The incest and rape on this show has reached critical mass this season. Add that to characters saying “brother-cousin” and “uncle-daddy” and the show has somehow managed to surpass the Bill-Lorena Exorcist head turning sex in terms of things I never needed to see and yet cannot unsee.

Anyway, Becky lets Jason free and he runs off into the woods with Felton hot on his trail. He sharpens a stick and hides out in a tree, falling upon Felton and killing him. Crystal runs up to meet him, ecstatic that they can finally be together because in case you haven’t noticed Crystal is bonkers this season. Jason rightly wants nothing to do with her, but she expects to see him again at the next full moon when presumably he will turn into a werepanther. Finally Jason collapses by the side of the road and is rescued by Hoyt and Jessica.

Drunken Vampires and Shirtless Werewolves
At least memory-wiped Eric continued to be incredibly endearing, running around drunk on fairy blood half the episode. Besides allowing vampires to stay in the sun for a limited time, it seems fairy blood has the added effect of making them act like they just did an extended keg stand. After running around playfully pinching Sookie’s butt, Eric speeds off into the oncoming sunrise. To wrangle him back into his cubby in the house, Sookie calls on Alcide who immediately gets into wolf form to sniff Eric out. They find him playing in a stream, where he declares himself Viking god of the sea and offers Sookie to be his sea goddess. Of course, fairy blood only lasts so long and Sookie runs into the river to wrap an unwilling Eric in a blanket like a five-year-old that wants bath time to go on just a little while longer.

Back at the house, Alcide warns Sookie about the dangers of having Eric stay with her. Sookie hits back with his forgiveness of Debbie, who still looks so different that it takes me a few minutes to figure out who she is every time she appears on screen. Sookie give Alcide a cute little punch on his ginormous chest and they hug before he heads off.
Down in Eric’s tricked out cubby he’s pouting because he will never get to see the sun again. When Sookie tries to comfort him, he pouts even more that he’s not a child. But this is Sookie and Eric so it’s only a matter of time before the sexual tension starts rising. Eric offers to give her a kiss that he promises would make her happy and as Sookie considers the offer, she’s saved by the doorbell.

“Get Her on the Goddam Goddess Line”
Lafayette, Jesus and Tara are stressing to Marnie how super important it is not to piss off centuries old vampires. Marnie explains that the memory-wipe spell wasn’t hers but her spirit guide, who isn’t being too helpful at the moment. Presumably this spirit is the same woman she sees in a dream getting burned alive for the crime of witchcraft centuries before. After hours of searching a book with the right spell finally falls out of the shelf for their convenience. I wish I had known that trick back in college when I was writing papers.

The episode ends with the group being threatened by Pam. Marnie is trying to do the spell properly but Pam is dropping too many F-bombs and making her nervous. It seems like a bad policy to scare the bejesus out of a person you need to concentrate but maybe Pam has her corset tied too tight today, since her chest is about 90% free of her bondage wear. Pam often wears some truly insane outfits but this one has to be up there with her craziest. As Pam continues her harassment Marnie is taken over once more by her spirit companion, who makes half of Pam’s face decompose in a very disgusting, flesh-falling-off variety. Pam speeds away as the spirit leaves Marnie and she faints, leaving poor Lafayette and Jesus in a worst place than they started the episode.